I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
