I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
