is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
