he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
