I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
