What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
