OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
