I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
