your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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