hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
