I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
