I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
