I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
