If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
