so explain again why im purple
no
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
