I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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