She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Two words: nipple clamps
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