help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
