i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
