since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
