My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
