So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
try to milk me bitch
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