If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
