i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
