There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
