I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
