There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
