I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
