so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
