it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
