the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
