What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
