like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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