Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
