I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
