you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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