i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So here I am, sexting at work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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