Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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