That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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