i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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