Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
