shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
