elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
