No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
