So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
