I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
