This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
