They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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