drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
