Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
