Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
