four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
