my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
