the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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