We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
